The inclusive guide to fisting for all genders

Few sex acts (except scissoring, maybe) get quite as bad a rep as fisting. Why? Well, there’s the obvious: framed as a more extreme or taboo act, it’s often talked about in ways that are shaming or scare-mongery. 

And existing information out there surrounding the topic seems like it’s been engineered just to put you off. Don’t believe us? Most academic research on the topic focuses on the potential harms(opens in a new tab) (more on that later) rather than how to do it safely or what it really is. 

Heck, someone in the UK was even unsuccessfully prosecuted for possessing fisting porn(opens in a new tab) in 2012, with the prosecution arguing that this kind of porn could be classed as illegal “extreme” material on the grounds that fisting can result in “serious injury to a person’s anus, breasts or genitals”(opens in a new tab). Yeah, not great PR for this sex act.

But the fact is, if you’re dead set on trying it out, not much is going to put you off, right? Rather than trying to dissuade you (that bus has left the station) you probably need some helpful, safer sex advice on how to get your fist on and have fun while taking all the necessary precautions. 

Want more sex and dating stories in your inbox? Sign up for Mashable’s new weekly After Dark newsletter.

With that in mind, we’re here to give you the non-judgemental and inclusive guide on how to fist safely — regardless of your gender or experience level. You can thank us later. 

What is fisting?

Like a spy on the run, fisting goes by many names — handballing, fist fucking and, hoofing, just to name a few — but they all mean basically the same thing. As Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey explains, fisting is quite simple; “At its most basic, fisting is when a person puts their entire hand — then turns it into a fist — into a vagina or an anal canal and uses it for penetrative sex.”

Now we’ve refreshed your memory of that essential info, we need to talk about the fist part of fisting. For starters, let’s dispel some myths: it’s rare that you’ll start out with a full-blown fist (like what you would use to punch someone). 

More often, you might begin by placing an increasing number of fingers into the anus or vagina and then build up towards the insertion of a whole hand. You can also insert a whole hand in one go, using a beak-like position, where you hold all of your fingers tightly together. Once inside using these methods, you can curl the inserted finger for extra stimulation.

But for very experienced fisters and those who are well-versed in using larger toys, there is a fisting position called “punchfisting” which involves the in-and-out thrusting of a clenched fist into the anal canal. But word to the wise: Rome was not built in a day, and neither was your tolerance to punchfisting — do not start off your fisting career with this position.

How popular is fisting?

So, now you’ve got a basic definition of what fisting is, and where the “fist” part comes in, you might be curious about just how popular it is as a bedroom activity.

Well, it’s kinda hard to tell! A 2015 Autostraddle survey suggest(opens in a new tab)s that, among lesbians at least, it’s more of a niche activity — with only 18 percent of its 13,000 respondents claiming to enjoy fisting as part of their sexual repertoire. 

A European Commission Sialon II report, focusing on men who have sex with men (MSM), reported that between 10.5% and 34.1 percent of MSM(opens in a new tab) surveyed had engaged in fisting at least once throughout their lifetime, depending on their city of residence.

So, we can conclude that at least some lesbian and gay people are sliding a whole hand in. But while we might most commonly associate fisting with the queer community, Bisbey stresses that one of those most commonly held misconceptions about fisting is that “only gay people do it.” So, what about the prevalence of fisting among the wider cis-het world? 

Well, if PornHub is to be believed, it’s not the most common sexual interest — not, unless, you’re Gen X or Scandinavian. The 2022 PornHub Year In Review suggested(opens in a new tab) that Gen X (people aged between 35 and 54) are 19 percent more into fisting than other age groups which pales in comparison to Sweden’s 45 percent greater predilection for the sex act when contrasted with other geographical locales. 

Given that fisting is less of a popular and well-known activity — meaning there’s less info out there about it — it can be important to have a quick read-up on best practice so there isn’t any confusion when the time comes. So, without further ado, enjoy our expert-informed how-to on fisting…

How to fist: fisting 101

So, what are you aiming for? Well, fisting, when done right, should be pleasurable: any sharp pain or bleeding means that something has gone wrong. 

However, it is a very particular sensation. As Bisbey explains “Many people talk about the feeling of fullness [resulting from fisting] being intensely pleasurable. Some talk about the feeling of being stretched.”

“Without proper preparation you may feel pain or experience damage.”

Similarly, Alice Leach, co-founder of  hookup app TapDat(opens in a new tab) says that; “Fisting should be pleasurable and push the boundaries between pleasure and pain, in a similar way as S&M practice.” But, as Leah emphasises; “Without proper preparation you may feel pain or experience damage.”

How to prepare for fisting

You know the saying: if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail — and the same is true here. Both Bisbey and Leach recommend doing your due diligence when it comes to researching fisting. We’re all for spontaneity in the bedroom, but it can help to lay the groundwork with conversation, communication, and research — as well as buying in a hefty supply of lube. 

As Bisbey explains, be sure to not rush into anything. “This is an activity anally and vaginally that has to be done slowly. The person needs to be very relaxed so go even slower than you think you need to,” she says. “It will go better if your partner is very aroused — sometimes post first orgasm is a good time to start.”

She even recommends anal training for fisting via the back door. “For anal, if they have no previous anal experience, some training with smaller objects like butt plugs of different sizes is advised.”

Fisting with a partner

Okay, so now you’ve done your homework, here’s how to graduate with honours.

For anal fisting, position is important: you can lie on your front, kneel, or get on all fours — just as long as your legs are apart and your partner is nearby. Vaginal fisting is similar — though you’ll want to lie on your back and not your front, for obvious reasons. 

For getting down to business, you might want to briefly hold your breath as fingers are being inserted if you are the receptive partner. For the partner doing the fisting, Bisbey recommends building up the number of digits being inserted and taking care to communicate well and consistently. “Slow and lubricated are the best tips — and making sure your partner is relaxed and really wants this,” she advises. “Be willing to stop and start again or leave it for another time.”

Fisting solo

As per partnered fisting, the key points are to try and relax, take things slow and use lots and lots of lube — preferably lube designed specifically for anal play if it’s butt stuff you’re looking to try here. 

Try and relax, take things slow and use lots and lots of lube.

If you have a vagina, you can experiment with fisting in a similar position to how you might normally masturbate. But given that you need to be particularly relaxed in order to enjoy fisting, it can help to wait until you have already orgasmed so that the vaginal muscles are more ready for this kind of play. 

Then, take a lubed-up finger, insert and increase the number of digits until the whole hand is inside. If you feel like you can take further stimulation, slowly curl your fingers to experience the full fisting experience. 

For anal fisting, it can help to lie on your side with your knees bent(opens in a new tab) — this should be more comfortable and provide easier access. Similarly to vaginal fisting, place one finger inside and then build up until the whole hand is inside. 

Anal fisting can lead to tearing in the anus or rectum, but in most instances these injuries will heal on their own. However, be sure to stop immediately if you feel pain and seek medical attention if you experience significant bleeding or bleeding that lasts for more than an hour. 

Safer sex fisting measures

As you’ve no doubt gathered, there are plenty of technical considerations when attempting fisting for the first time. And without losing sight of the fact it can also be pretty fun for the person receiving and hugely intimate when partaking with a partner, there are also safer sex measures you should probably be aware of. 

Given that fisting can be an intensive penetrative activity, there’s a risk of causing tears or fissures within the vagina or anal canal — which increases STI risk going forward. Leach explains that; “Fisting can cause an increased risk of transmitted diseases if it damages the rectal mucosa (anal lining).” 

Bisbey also reminds us about bacterial risks. “Introducing bacteria into the vagina or the anal canal is a risk,” she says. “Don’t go from anus to vagina or vagina to anus.”

So, what are some safer sex measures, then? Well, it’s pretty simple: using plenty of lubrication — being sure to reapply if it dries up or if the receptive partner feels any discomfort. Another way to help ensure everyone’s safety and comfort? Wearing latex gloves and keeping nails short as a way of reducing any tears to these intimate areas.

So, there you have it: you’ve graduated from your class in Fisting 101. And if there’s one thing you’ve learned, make it that it’s okay to take it slow!