We honestly thought that playing and loving Nintendo’s 64-bit racer was a prerequisite for serving on the USS Nintendo Life, but we’ve checked the crew handbook and, shockingly, it isn’t mentioned once. Which must be how both Alana and Jim somehow made it through the academy and on board without having once steered the Blue Falcon around Mute City 1.
Time to address a startling oversight, then. Let’s meet this month’s away team before heading to the observation lounge for the debriefing:
- Capt. Gavin Lane – F-Zero X veteran, N64 analogue stickler
- Cmdr. Ollie Reynolds – F-Zero X veteran, Big Blue addict
- Ens. Alana Hagues – F-Zero X recruit, “Please sir, can we slow down?”
- Ens. Jim Norman – F-Zero X recruit, Just wants to own a Fire Stingray IRL
Gavin: Greetings, crew. Are we all present and correct?
Ollie: Aye, Captain.
Alana: Ready and willing, sir.
Jim: Is… is this thing on?
Gavin: It’s on, Ensign. Let’s proceed. I’d like to preface this conference with the fact that we’re all colleagues here — friends, even — so anything that may come across as indignation in the transcript is said with the utmost respect and love. Probably.
F-Zero X, then. A classic piece of interactive entertainment from 1998. Let’s begin with an obvious question: How have you managed to make it through the last two-and-a-half decades without sampling its considerable delights?
In a way, it makes sense why Nintendo hasn’t properly revisited the series in so long; those older games are borderline racing perfection.
Alana: I honestly don’t know! I think, because we missed it back on the N64, and didn’t even play F-Zero on SNES until 2002 or ‘03, the N64 version just passed me by. I’ve played GX too, and at that point I was just… well, I didn’t want to shell out for X. It’s been on Switch Online for two years now, and still I haven’t made the time to play it until now. Glad I managed to sneak onto the team with that in my back pocket.
Gavin: A fortunate administrative oversight for everyone involved. How about you, Ensign Norman?
Jim: I have no excuse for not playing it on NSO in the past two years, sir. For those reading this, yes, I am hanging my head in shame. I do, however, have a pretty good reason for missing it the first time around: I wasn’t born.
Gavin: No need to feel ashamed – that’s why we’re here. And as excuses go, not existing isn’t a bad one. How about you, Commander Reynolds? Do you remember the first time you played this one?
Ollie: Vividly! I missed it upon its original release, but I picked it up around 2004 or 2005 after becoming hopelessly addicted to F-Zero GX on the GameCube; I had to go back and sample the earlier titles. So F-Zero X was the first on my list and, as expected, I became hopelessly addicted to that one, too.
Gavin: They are incredibly addictive games when you get into the zone. X was my first, which probably clouds my judgement, but it feels refined to me in a way that no other entry does. More on that later. First, what did you expect before you played, and did it meet those expectations? Ensign Hagues, if you will.
Alana: Sir! I expected something between the SNES and the GameCube games – an aggressive, fast racer. What I got was that in a way, but something that actually demanded precision and mastery; tight controls, and a real feel of speed. I didn’t expect I’d be as impressed as I am with how smooth the whole thing feels even today. I can’t imagine what it was like picking up F-Zero X back in 1998 and thinking, “Darn, this is a 3D racer.”
Gavin: Norman?
Jim: *Clicks heels together* I’d echo much of what Alana said, sir. I think I expected things to be a little more janky — racers are so often built on heat-of-the-moment decisions and I was concerned that things wouldn’t be quite as snappy today. From the first loop-the-loop, I could see I was very much mistaken. What a thrill ride!
Gavin: Nintendo EAD stripped back the visuals to the bare essentials so nothing would disturb that sense of ‘Holy moly!’ How about you, Commander – does the game hold up for you in 2024, compared to your rose-tinted memories?
Ollie: Oh, it absolutely does. It’s like you say, the visuals are quite basic, all things considered, but this really allowed it to lean into that remarkable sense of speed. You compare it to the original Wipeout on PS1 — which, granted, is a bit older than F-Zero X — and the difference is night and day. In a way, it makes sense why Nintendo hasn’t properly revisited the series in so long; those older games are borderline racing perfection.
Gavin: How did you find the difficulty? I’m not ashamed to admit that my reaction times have diminished somewhat since the late ’90s, which became apparent on firing the game up via NSO.
Jim: I was all over the place in my first few races. I’ve never been that good at racers, but I can generally, you know, stay on the track for a full lap. It has a level of precision that I simply wasn’t expecting — the drifting, the collisions, even the corner handling — which certainly took some getting used to. Heck, even after playing most evenings for the past week, I still can’t honestly say that I’ve completely ‘got it’.
Alana: The drifting took me ages to nail, for some reason. Might be because I’m not using an N64 controller – tut tut – but that really threw me off on a few later courses. But my first ‘oh my god’ moment came on Sand Ocean, in the pipe. At first I was, “Ahhh this is cool,” and then in first place on lap three I just yeeted myself off of the course. I totally forgot that I had to readjust. It was pretty funny. I managed to win a fair few races, but the different course gimmicks certainly threw me for a loop and meant I had to approach every course a little differently.
I found I liked slightly higher speed with the Blue Falcon. I toyed with acceleration but I almost always did worse with that
Ollie: It definitely takes a bit of getting used to; particularly if you’ve grown up playing the likes of Mario Kart where the difficulty really lies in the trial and error of the weapon system. I really like the balance with F-Zero, though, how you need to keep an eye on your ship’s health while utilising the boost mechanic to inch your way to first place. It’s a real thrill ride when you properly get to grips with the controls and a big part of what made it so addictive for me.
Gavin: If I may, what controllers did you use this time?
Jim: NSO N64 pad, for me.
Alana: Handheld, the Hori split pads.
Ollie: Just handheld with the Joy-Con; I’ve yet to pick up any fancy NSO controllers, sadly.
Gavin: Very good, Norman. Hagues and Reynolds, speak to the armourer, they’ll sort you out with the proper equipment. I feel that with this game, in particular, nothing but regulation kit will do — the precision of the spindly N64 analogue stick is essential. I think it’s something to do with the (possibly imagined) extra distance it gives from the pivot point which lets you perform the smallest of tweaks to your racing line. It just feels right with the classic three-pronged pad.
Speaking of tweaks, is there anything you think could be improved if the game were released today?
Ollie: Not really. For what it is, it’s pretty much exactly what I need from this kind of game. If I want something with shinier visuals, then F-Zero GX exists… Somewhere… But yeah, it’s fine as it is.
Alana: I understand the stripped-back visuals but early on I found it really hard to even remember the names of most of the courses! Other than the gimmicks, there were a few tracks that hardly distinguish themselves. But I think ‘nicer visuals’ is a little boring. Perhaps, again, this is because I’m not using the authentic kit, but the spin attack felt awkward. I might have been really bad at using it, but I felt like it had little impact on other drivers, and sometimes it’d spin my driving off a little bit. Easy to correct, but yeah, it didn’t feel super great to use.
Jim: Oof, I have to disagree with that last one. Perhaps it’s the NSO setup on a non-N64 controller, as you say, but I found the ol’ hold-and-double-tap approach immensely satisfying. I too can’t remember the names of most courses, but I took great joy using it on thin barrier-less sections, particularly on the first lap. As for improvements, I honestly think the only visual change I’d like would be to see more of the track ahead of me. Not a case of it necessarily needing more detail, but it would be nice to know about some of the sharper corners a little earlier.
Gavin: Oddly, I’m somewhere in the middle at the moment regarding the spin. I have great memories of destroying fools with it, as you said, Jim — thinning the pack and putting my labelled ‘RIVAL’ out of contention. But I found it challenging to connect with other racers this time. More practice required to regain my chops, probably.
One last thing before wrapping up: Did any of you fiddle with your machine’s speed/acceleration settings?
Alana: Sure did! I found I liked slightly higher speed with the Blue Falcon. I toyed with acceleration but I almost always did worse with that, so I just assumed that I was better at maintaining the higher speed than building up good speed.
Gavin: A valuable skill for any pilot. Reynolds?
Ollie: Yeah, I’m the same. Once you get through the first lap and gain the boost ability, having a slightly higher max speed is a bit better than the higher acceleration. Give me all the speed!
Gavin: Jolly good. Okay, it seems we’re all more or less in agreement – a pleasant outcome for this first mission together. Time to wrap up this report. Congratulations on your promotions, Lieutenants.
As is customary, I shall now relinquish command and one of today’s lower deckers will take the chair next time as we continue to explore strange new old games. Do you have something in mind for next time, Hagues?
Alana: I do! And I think we’re going to go back a little further than the 64-bit days and chill out in the jungle. How does some more precision-based gameplay sound with DK and Diddy in Donkey Kong Country?
Gavin: That sounds acceptable. I believe both myself and Reynolds have somehow overlooked that one, is that correct?
Ollie: Until fairly recently, yes! I’m looking forward to this one, though. Beam me up, Diddy!
Gavin: Very good. I’ll have the conn start computations for time warp back to the 16-bit era. Until then, at ease, everyone. And well done.
F-Zero X – Recruit Report
| Promoted Officer: | Lt. Alana Hagues | Lt. Jim Norman |
|---|---|---|
| Best bit: | Cylinder & half pipe courses | Literally any loop-the-loop |
| Worst bit: | Spinning! | “You got boost power!” [Hmm. – Capt.] |
| Would play again? | Probably, but more likely with friends | Eh, probably not [I can always keep this pip, you know. – Capt.] |
We honestly thought that playing and loving Nintendo's 64-bit racer was a prerequisite for serving on the USS Nintendo Life, but we've checked the crew handbook and, shockingly, it isn't mentioned once. Which must be how both Alana and Jim somehow made it through the academy and on board without having once steered the Blue Falcon around Mute City 1.
Time to address a startling oversight, then. Let's meet this month's away team before heading to the observation lounge for the debriefing:
- Capt. Gavin Lane - F-Zero X veteran, N64 analogue stickler
- Cmdr. Ollie Reynolds - F-Zero X veteran, Big Blue addict
- Ens. Alana Hagues - F-Zero X recruit, “Please sir, can we slow down?”
- Ens. Jim Norman - F-Zero X recruit, Just wants to own a Fire Stingray IRL
Gavin: Greetings, crew. Are we all present and correct?
Ollie: Aye, Captain.
Alana: Ready and willing, sir.
Jim: Is… is this thing on?
Gavin: It’s on, Ensign. Let’s proceed. I’d like to preface this conference with the fact that we’re all colleagues here — friends, even — so anything that may come across as indignation in the transcript is said with the utmost respect and love. Probably.
F-Zero X, then. A classic piece of interactive entertainment from 1998. Let’s begin with an obvious question: How have you managed to make it through the last two-and-a-half decades without sampling its considerable delights?
In a way, it makes sense why Nintendo hasn’t properly revisited the series in so long; those older games are borderline racing perfection.
Alana: I honestly don’t know! I think, because we missed it back on the N64, and didn’t even play F-Zero on SNES until 2002 or ‘03, the N64 version just passed me by. I’ve played GX too, and at that point I was just… well, I didn’t want to shell out for X. It’s been on Switch Online for two years now, and still I haven’t made the time to play it until now. Glad I managed to sneak onto the team with that in my back pocket.
Gavin: A fortunate administrative oversight for everyone involved. How about you, Ensign Norman?
Jim: I have no excuse for not playing it on NSO in the past two years, sir. For those reading this, yes, I am hanging my head in shame. I do, however, have a pretty good reason for missing it the first time around: I wasn’t born.
Gavin: No need to feel ashamed – that’s why we’re here. And as excuses go, not existing isn't a bad one. How about you, Commander Reynolds? Do you remember the first time you played this one?
Ollie: Vividly! I missed it upon its original release, but I picked it up around 2004 or 2005 after becoming hopelessly addicted to F-Zero GX on the GameCube; I had to go back and sample the earlier titles. So F-Zero X was the first on my list and, as expected, I became hopelessly addicted to that one, too.
Gavin: They are incredibly addictive games when you get into the zone. X was my first, which probably clouds my judgement, but it feels refined to me in a way that no other entry does. More on that later. First, what did you expect before you played, and did it meet those expectations? Ensign Hagues, if you will.
Alana: Sir! I expected something between the SNES and the GameCube games – an aggressive, fast racer. What I got was that in a way, but something that actually demanded precision and mastery; tight controls, and a real feel of speed. I didn’t expect I’d be as impressed as I am with how smooth the whole thing feels even today. I can’t imagine what it was like picking up F-Zero X back in 1998 and thinking, “Darn, this is a 3D racer.”
Gavin: Norman?
Jim: *Clicks heels together* I’d echo much of what Alana said, sir. I think I expected things to be a little more janky — racers are so often built on heat-of-the-moment decisions and I was concerned that things wouldn’t be quite as snappy today. From the first loop-the-loop, I could see I was very much mistaken. What a thrill ride!
Gavin: Nintendo EAD stripped back the visuals to the bare essentials so nothing would disturb that sense of ‘Holy moly!’ How about you, Commander – does the game hold up for you in 2024, compared to your rose-tinted memories?
Ollie: Oh, it absolutely does. It’s like you say, the visuals are quite basic, all things considered, but this really allowed it to lean into that remarkable sense of speed. You compare it to the original Wipeout on PS1 — which, granted, is a bit older than F-Zero X — and the difference is night and day. In a way, it makes sense why Nintendo hasn’t properly revisited the series in so long; those older games are borderline racing perfection.
Gavin: How did you find the difficulty? I’m not ashamed to admit that my reaction times have diminished somewhat since the late '90s, which became apparent on firing the game up via NSO.
Jim: I was all over the place in my first few races. I’ve never been that good at racers, but I can generally, you know, stay on the track for a full lap. It has a level of precision that I simply wasn’t expecting — the drifting, the collisions, even the corner handling — which certainly took some getting used to. Heck, even after playing most evenings for the past week, I still can’t honestly say that I’ve completely 'got it'.
Alana: The drifting took me ages to nail, for some reason. Might be because I’m not using an N64 controller – tut tut – but that really threw me off on a few later courses. But my first 'oh my god' moment came on Sand Ocean, in the pipe. At first I was, “Ahhh this is cool,” and then in first place on lap three I just yeeted myself off of the course. I totally forgot that I had to readjust. It was pretty funny. I managed to win a fair few races, but the different course gimmicks certainly threw me for a loop and meant I had to approach every course a little differently.
I found I liked slightly higher speed with the Blue Falcon. I toyed with acceleration but I almost always did worse with that
Ollie: It definitely takes a bit of getting used to; particularly if you’ve grown up playing the likes of Mario Kart where the difficulty really lies in the trial and error of the weapon system. I really like the balance with F-Zero, though, how you need to keep an eye on your ship’s health while utilising the boost mechanic to inch your way to first place. It’s a real thrill ride when you properly get to grips with the controls and a big part of what made it so addictive for me.
Gavin: If I may, what controllers did you use this time?
Jim: NSO N64 pad, for me.
Alana: Handheld, the Hori split pads.
Ollie: Just handheld with the Joy-Con; I’ve yet to pick up any fancy NSO controllers, sadly.
Gavin: Very good, Norman. Hagues and Reynolds, speak to the armourer, they’ll sort you out with the proper equipment. I feel that with this game, in particular, nothing but regulation kit will do — the precision of the spindly N64 analogue stick is essential. I think it’s something to do with the (possibly imagined) extra distance it gives from the pivot point which lets you perform the smallest of tweaks to your racing line. It just feels right with the classic three-pronged pad.
Speaking of tweaks, is there anything you think could be improved if the game were released today?
Ollie: Not really. For what it is, it’s pretty much exactly what I need from this kind of game. If I want something with shinier visuals, then F-Zero GX exists… Somewhere… But yeah, it’s fine as it is.
Alana: I understand the stripped-back visuals but early on I found it really hard to even remember the names of most of the courses! Other than the gimmicks, there were a few tracks that hardly distinguish themselves. But I think 'nicer visuals' is a little boring. Perhaps, again, this is because I’m not using the authentic kit, but the spin attack felt awkward. I might have been really bad at using it, but I felt like it had little impact on other drivers, and sometimes it’d spin my driving off a little bit. Easy to correct, but yeah, it didn’t feel super great to use.
Jim: Oof, I have to disagree with that last one. Perhaps it’s the NSO setup on a non-N64 controller, as you say, but I found the ol’ hold-and-double-tap approach immensely satisfying. I too can’t remember the names of most courses, but I took great joy using it on thin barrier-less sections, particularly on the first lap. As for improvements, I honestly think the only visual change I’d like would be to see more of the track ahead of me. Not a case of it necessarily needing more detail, but it would be nice to know about some of the sharper corners a little earlier.
Gavin: Oddly, I’m somewhere in the middle at the moment regarding the spin. I have great memories of destroying fools with it, as you said, Jim — thinning the pack and putting my labelled 'RIVAL' out of contention. But I found it challenging to connect with other racers this time. More practice required to regain my chops, probably.
One last thing before wrapping up: Did any of you fiddle with your machine’s speed/acceleration settings?
Alana: Sure did! I found I liked slightly higher speed with the Blue Falcon. I toyed with acceleration but I almost always did worse with that, so I just assumed that I was better at maintaining the higher speed than building up good speed.
Gavin: A valuable skill for any pilot. Reynolds?
Ollie: Yeah, I’m the same. Once you get through the first lap and gain the boost ability, having a slightly higher max speed is a bit better than the higher acceleration. Give me all the speed!
Gavin: Jolly good. Okay, it seems we’re all more or less in agreement – a pleasant outcome for this first mission together. Time to wrap up this report. Congratulations on your promotions, Lieutenants.
As is customary, I shall now relinquish command and one of today's lower deckers will take the chair next time as we continue to explore strange new old games. Do you have something in mind for next time, Hagues?
Alana: I do! And I think we’re going to go back a little further than the 64-bit days and chill out in the jungle. How does some more precision-based gameplay sound with DK and Diddy in Donkey Kong Country?
Gavin: That sounds acceptable. I believe both myself and Reynolds have somehow overlooked that one, is that correct?
Ollie: Until fairly recently, yes! I’m looking forward to this one, though. Beam me up, Diddy!
Gavin: Very good. I’ll have the conn start computations for time warp back to the 16-bit era. Until then, at ease, everyone. And well done.
F-Zero X - Recruit Report
| Promoted Officer: | Lt. Alana Hagues | Lt. Jim Norman |
|---|---|---|
| Best bit: | Cylinder & half pipe courses | Literally any loop-the-loop |
| Worst bit: | Spinning! | “You got boost power!” [Hmm. - Capt.] |
| Would play again? | Probably, but more likely with friends | Eh, probably not [I can always keep this pip, you know. - Capt.] |
